dude looks like a lady
by BellaCullenCromwell
Summary: Harry gains an unexpected animagus form, let's just leave it to that...


"It could be worse," Remus comforted after smothering a grin. Sirius was laughing so hard tears were leaking from his eyes.

Harry glared at them. "This isn't funny."

"Now Harry –" the werewolf began.

"Harriet!" Sirius gasped before once again dissolving in laughter.

Harry threw the animagus book at his head.

"This could be used to your advantage," Remus said.

"Used to my advantage?" Harry hissed, "A panther could be used to my advantage, a bird, a dog, a cat, a spider, a goddamn flubberworm could be used to my advantage. _But this_?"

"Well I would say it's at least more useful than a flubberworm," Remus muttered.

"Ah!" Harry yelled, finally chancing a look down.

Sirius fell to the ground, clutching his stomach.

Remus smirked, "They're quite large."

Harry scowled. "This. Is. Not. Funny," he repeated.

Harry glanced down again before moaning and burying his face in his hands. It didn't work very well, because They got in the way. Them _things_. Dear God.

Remus bit his lip as Sirius lost any sense of dignity by actually rolling on the floor.

"Perhaps we should call Mrs. Weasley in here," said Remus, "Hermione too. They're going to be more help with this than we are."

Remus gave Harry a shrug before stepping out of the study at number twelve Grimauld Place to find the girls. Harry shot Sirius a look of disgust.

He laughed harder.

Most of the women were in the kitchen when Remus found them. "Excuse me," he said politely, "but might I borrow Molly and Hermione for few moments?" Hermione shrugged and handed the tomatoes she'd been cutting to Ginny, but Mrs. Weasley looked flustered.

"I couldn't possible leave right now Remus," she said, "take Tonks. Surely she could help you with whatever you need?" It was fairly obvious that Mrs. Weasley was desperate to get the clumsy metamorphagus out of her kitchen.

"Of course," he said, "Girls?" They both followed him out of the kitchen.

"What's this about Mr. Lupin?" Hermione asked.

Remus had to take a second to keep himself from grinning like a loon. "You know how Harry has been working on his animagus form?"

He received two nods.

"Well he finally achieved it, but unfortunately his form has left us all rather flummoxed. We don't know much about it, but we felt sure you two would."

"What's his form?" asked Tonks.

Remus gave in and grinned like loon. "You'll see."

Hermione and Tonks shared a dubious look before shrugging and walking through the study door. They were stopped by the sight of the prettiest girl either of them had ever seen. She had dark tan skin and jet black hair that fell down to just below her shoulders in messy waves. She had a perfect hour glass figure; huge breasts, a tiny waist, and a shapely bum. Her lips were a dark pink and her cheeks were stained a rather attractive red by her blush. Tonks honestly didn't think she could make herself become as pretty as this teenager before her and felt a spike of resentment. Hermione had similar thoughts of jealousy before she saw her mortified emerald green gaze, which seemed rather familiar . . .

"Harry?" the muggleborn witch demanded incredulously. Tonks's jaw dropped.

The girl nodded, looking miserable. "Hey 'Mione."

"This is your animagus form?" Tonks questioned, aghast.

She nodded again.

"Merlin's bloody balls," Hermione cursed, "that's just not fair."

Harry's jaw dropped.

Tonks nodded, grumbling and crossing her arms.

Remus joined Sirius in the undignified position of rolling on the floor laughing.

"How?" Hermione demanded, still eyeballing Harry's new features.

"I don't know," Harry moaned, "I took the potion, said the spell, and got _this_."

"You don't have to sound so horrified," Tonks said, "There are girls that would kill for your body. I'd kill for your body."

Harry gave her a flat eyed stare, "That's just creepy, Tonks."

"Sorry," she said, "so first things first, are you a girl all the way through?"

Harry gave her yet another a flat stare.

"Do you think like a girl?" Hermione clarified.

"I don't know! How do girls think?"

"Well," Hermione said slowly, "you're straight, right Harry? Never been attracted to a guy before?"

"Of course I'm straight!" Harry sputtered.

"What about now?" Tonks asked, leaning forward with a peculiar look in her eye.

"Try Draco Malfoy," Hermione suggested.

Harry was horrified, "He's a bloody prick!"

Hermione shrugged, unconcerned, "That doesn't have anything to do with how he looks. And let's face it, that slimy little death eater is simply gorgeous." She ignored Harry's look of revulsion, "Just do as I say."

Harry rolled his eyes before closing them and seeing Malfoy's arrogant smirk, his stupid egotistical walk, the way his pants clung to his thighs, those petty eyes set in that handsome face, they way his ridiculously expensive robes moved against his chiseled chest. . .

"Oh dear lord," Harry moaned.

"I'll take that as a yes," Hermione observed.

Tonks jumped to her feet with a grin, "Let's go shopping!"

"Good idea," the brunette agreed.

"Shopping?" Harry demanded, "I turn into a girl and you want to go shopping?"

"Trust us," Hermione assured as she and Tonks linked arms with her, "it's the quickest way for you to understand your inner woman."

"And the best part is we can put the entire thing on Sirius's account," Tonks finished in relish.

Remus laughed harder from his place on the floor as the Black lord started crying.

"First things first," said Hermione, "bras and panties." They were in muggle London after going to Gringotts to exchange galleons for pounds.

Harry gulped as they marched into a department store. "You're probably a 34 D," Tonks said, handing him a black lacy thing. Hermione handed him a white one and purple one. Tonks then threw in an emerald green one for good measure. "Try them on," she encouraged.

Harry looked from the bras to the girls, bewildered. Tonks had no pity as she pushed her towards the dressing room.

Harry frowned at the bras before taking off her shirt and gingerly unhooking it from the hanger. She looked at it uncomprehendingly for a moment before sighing and calling out tentatively, "'Mione?"

"Yes? Are you done?"

Harry winced, "No. Help?"

"Really Harry," she huffed, bustling into the changing room. "Damn," she said as she took the bra from Harry and helped her into it.

"What?" Harry asked, thinking that this should really more awkward.

"Your breasts are humongous," Hermione said.

Harry felt the beginnings of annoyance surfacing. "I didn't ask for this," she pointed out.

"Just be grateful," Hermione advised, adjusting the straps efficiently. "There, these look fine."

Harry stared at the white lacy thing with a raised eyebrow. "How can you tell?"

"It offers cover, support, and cleavage. No come on, we have so much more to do."

Harry felt very afraid.

"I . . . didn't hate it," observed Harry four hours later with some surprise as the three girls settled into their seats in the Leaky Cauldron.

"Of course not," Tonks scoffed. "You're a girl Harry. Girls, on a whole, like to shop. Like boys like to blow stuff up, on a whole."

They'd been to over a dozen stores and had the ridiculous amount of bags to show for it.

"Come on," said Hermione, tugging at Harry's hand. "We're going to get you made up before we go back to number twelve."

"Made up?" Harry asked in alarm.

"Go on," said Tonks, stretching out, "I'll order for you two."

"You're still wearing your boy clothes," said Hermione practically before shoving him into the loo. "You only get to wear those when you're a boy." She dug around in one of the bags before handing her an outfit. "Come on, get dressed. I'll wait."

Harry grimaced before doing as she was told, coming out five minutes later feeling decidedly awkward. "I don't know if I can manage these heels," she admitted, grabbing onto the sink for support.

"Of course you can," the young Gryffindor scoffed, "you're the youngest seeker in a century. It's all balance."

"No make up?" she asked hopefully.

Hermione pursed her lips in thought. "We'll gloss you later, but if you let Tonks do the hair curling charm I guess you don't need make up."

Harry let out a sigh of relief before taking a step forward and falling flat on her face.

Harry sashayed - a particular move that had taken her an hour to master – up to Grimauld place and walked through the door into the hustle and bustle of the living room. The noise was quickly replaced by silence. Staring at all those slack jawed faces, Harry wished she'd convinced the girls to let her come home a boy.

Fred and George let out a low whistle in unison, and for once Remus and Sirius weren't mocking him. In fact, they looked almost . . . angry? That didn't make any sense. The other Weasleys displayed various states of shock, and the Order members were either in a similar situation or understandably confused.

Harry was clad in a green crimped shirt that was halfway unbuttoned revealing a black lace camisole, and she had on a tight black jean skirt that bound her thighs together and classy black pumps. Her hair was curled only enough to be wavy and her coral lips were glossed a deep vibrant pink. The seventeen year old was drop dead gorgeous.

"What?" she demanded sharply in a tone that was just so _Harry_ that it broke everyone out of their shock. Fred and George grinned as they bounded to her, grasping her around the waist on either side.

"Babe, you must be tired," said George.

"Because you've been running through my mind all day!" finished Fred.

Harry stared at them uncomprehendingly, "What?"

Ron squinted and blushed, scratching the back of his head, "I don't know how to tell you this mate, but you're hot."

"I'm what?" she demanded, appalled.

"Sexy," said Sirius grimly, "this won't do."

"Oh no," agreed Remus, "this won't do at all."

"What?" she said again, the only appropriate response to this entire episode.

"You're far too good looking for your own good," said Remus.

"You know boys only want one thing," Sirius began eyeing the twins critically.

Harry resisted the urge to throttle her godfathers. "Sirius, I know what boys are after. Do you know why? BECAUSE I BLODDY WELL AM ONE!"

There was a small silence that was broken by Molly Weasly, "Your lack of penis says otherwise, dear."

. . .

"Mom!" seven horrified voices exclaimed.

"Well it's true!" defended the older woman.

Severus Snape walked into the room, casually sipping a cup of tea. He gave a cursory glance around the room and froze when he saw Harry. His lips twitched for a moment before carefully set the cup on the side table. "Ms. Potter," he greeted, "has anyone ever told you you look like your mother, but have your father's hair?"

Harry threw one of her classy black pumps at his head. He ducked and bent over, laughing long and hard. When not putting on a show for Deatheater children or sulking about his depressing past, Severus Snape tended to be a rather pleasant man, if sarcastic.

Harry felt as if she could happily kill everyone in this room and not feel the least bit guilty about it. Her homicidal tendencies were interrupted by Percy, who had a thoughtful look in his eyes.

"Think she could seduce you-know-who?"

Everyone abruptly turned to the middle Weasly child with horrified expressions. He remained unrepentant. "What better time to kill him than when he's clouded over with lust?"

"Absolutely not!" cried Sirius and Remus at once.

"Alright," agreed Harry. Her godfathers shot him a murderous glare.

"He has a point," Harry said.

"No!" said Molly before cuffing her son on the back of his head.

Severus had stilled and looked oddly thoughtful, "You don't have a scar in this form," he pointed out. "No one is going to recognize you for you. I once dated a girl with green eyes."

"And?" Harry asked with a raised eyebrow.

Snape looked at him as if he were especially thick. "Your life as yourself is a complete mess. You had three attempted assassinations just after Christmas of last year. I think Harry Potter should disappear for a while, and I should regain a long lost daughter."

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" roared Sirius, taking a menacing step towards Severus. Remus grabbed his arm, lips pursed in thought.

"It would make everyone's lives easier," Remus admitted. "What do you think Harry?"

Harry tilted his head to the side. After last year's Occlomency lessons and the split second decision he'd made to trust Snape to check on Sirius before running off to the Ministry, the two had gained an unexpected peace and camaraderie of the other, accepting that not everything is as it seems and some things are.

"Alright."


End file.
